I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
