yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
