He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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