the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
