I just pynch a tree in the face
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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