I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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