I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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