Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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