I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
