just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
