my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
