he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
