I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
