I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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