i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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