Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think people are normalizing furries
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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