I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
