I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
