You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
