This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
