Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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