How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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