When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
