weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
