Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
