god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
