i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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