My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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