Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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