Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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