I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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