It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
