There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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