it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
