I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
