Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
