apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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