They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
