i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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