I think I won the penis lottery.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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