Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
