thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Randomize
