I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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