last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize