weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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