i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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