Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
