dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
