I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
