today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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