so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
