you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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