Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
