ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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