I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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