We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
