Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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