im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
