Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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