I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
