dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
