i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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