"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
