I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
