Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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