i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
