Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
