Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
