Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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