haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
