Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
