I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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