Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
