is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
