I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
