i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
