Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
