I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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