what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
