The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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