I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
