I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
