I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
